On December 15th I had a miscarriage. Over the past month I have gone through a roller coaster of emotions, and I am finding ways of healing a day at a time. I believe that writing is going to be extremely helpful in the healing process. I also want to be sensitive to those who may find reading this difficult. I simply ask for your prayers and know that I am praying for all families who have lost children.
First Sorrowful Mystery… The Agony in the Garden.
Sure, I know that we’re called to “take up [our] cross and follow Him” (Mt 16:24), but this is not the cross I wanted.
But I am certain that this is a miraculous story of healing and trusting the Lord.
As many people have told me over the past month, the Blessed Mother knows what it is like to lose an innocent child. In those moments when I’m so angry at God that I can’t talk to Him, that’s when going to her will be even more important. There’s still a lot of hurt, but there’s also a lot of healing taking place.
Deanna, this is sooooo beautiful and is filled with an intimacy with our heavenly Father.. Healing will come through you to others. I'm so sorry this is your cross but you carry it like our Savior did, not dragging it behind you or beating folks with it. So proud of you. ❤
I am so sorry for your loss, Deanna. I saw your post in the Mommy to a Little Saint group recently and recognized your name from your blog, and I was sad to hear that you'd lost a little one. (I've been following your blog for a few years now and don't even remember how I first found it, except that we got married around the same time and both our dads are deacons.) I've lost three babies to miscarriage, and can relate to much of what you've written here. None of us would choose this cross. But I know from experience at this point that God does give us the graces necessary to carry it and to survive the pain. I don't understand why He would let our babies die, but I have to trust that He knows what He's doing. Praise God for our faith – for the knowledge that our suffering has value, and for the hope that we will see our babies again in heaven. As St. Zelie said, they are not lost to us forever. There is a beautiful quote from her here that may bring you comfort: http://ablogaboutmiscarriage.blogspot.com/2015/05/comfort-for-grieving-mother-from.html. You will be in my prayers.
Thanks Mom 🙂
Anna, thank you for your kind words. I'm so sorry to hear about your losses. I'm right there with you feeling extremely thankful for our Catholic faith. I can't imagine going through this without being able to cling to our Lord. I just came across that blog through a CatholicAlLYear.com post, but I hadn't seen this particular post. Thank you for sharing. I will keep you in prayer as well! Blessings and peace!
I was feeling pretty awful tonight but still had not read you post yet and was lonesome. I am glad I did as the prayer you wrote filled me with hope. Sending all my love and wishing you comfort. MIss Pam